Being Around My Family Stresses Me Out

Being around my family stresses me out

Family relationships can be complicated. For some people, spending time with family members causes feelings of stress and anxiety rather than comfort. If you find yourself feeling perpetually on edge around your family, you’re not alone. There are many potential reasons why being around relatives can be stressful. The good news is that there are also things you can do to help cope with family-related stress.

Understanding the causes of family stress

When family interactions become a significant source of strain, it’s important to understand why that stress response gets triggered. Some common reasons include:

Conflicting personalities and communication styles

• Family members often have very different personalities, interests, values, and ways of communicating. For example, an introverted person may feel overwhelmed by chatty, outgoing relatives.

Childhood baggage and unresolved issues

• Old habits, emotional wounds from the past, and longtime unaddressed grievances can make family interactions tense. There may be complex emotional dynamics related to parents, siblings etc.

Differences in lifestyles and life stages

• If relatives are at very different places in terms of relationships, career, children, financial stability etc., this can lead to feelings of disconnect or judgment.

Lack of healthy boundaries

• Some families have poor emotional or physical boundaries between members. This can create anxiety about issues like personal space, privacy, criticism/advice, emotional demands, and overstepping.

Financial pressures related to family

• Financial issues like lending money, inheritance disputes, or the expectation to help support parents as they age can spur conflict and resentments.

The specific emotional triggers will differ based on the family and relationships involved. Figuring out what situations tend to spark stress for you personally is key.

Coping strategies for dealing with family-related anxiety

If being around certain family members consistently leaves you feeling frustrated, angry, resentful, smothered, or otherwise upset, using coping and communication strategies can help ease tensions. Useful tips include:

Set boundaries

• Determine what reasonable boundaries you need to feel comfortable and clearly communicate those to relatives. This may relate to topics/questions that are off-limits, expectations about visit length/frequency, overnight houseguest policies etc. Enforce parameters consistently and fairly.

Manage expectations

• Family members often have unspoken expectations about things like holiday plans, financial help, babysitting/caregiving duties and more. Openly discussing these issues rather than making assumptions can prevent later disappointment and arguments.

Allow space when needed

• It’s perfectly healthy to excuse yourself temporarily from a stressful family situation as long as you do so politely. Taking a 20 minute breather to collect yourself can make a big difference.

Actively listen

• Rather than just thinking about your next retort during a disagreement, focus on truly listening to what the other person is saying. Repeat back key points to confirm understanding. This builds empathy.

Own your feelings/reactions

• Use “I feel…” statements to express yourself rather than accusatory “you” phrases like “you’re so annoying.” This reduces others getting defensive and models vulnerability.

Compromise where possible

• Look for areas where you can compromise such as visiting family for shorter time periods or going to therapy sessions together. Be willing to meet halfway.

Set discussion guidelines

• Establish some basic ground rules during intense family talks such as giving each person uninterrupted time to share their perspective, staying on topic, and taking a break if things escalate into yelling. Enforcing these keeps communication productive.

Practice self-care

Make sure you deliberately take care of your mental health through sufficient alone time, exercising to reduce stress hormones, eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep etc. This helps you build resilience.

Try family or personal counseling

If family tensions seem too entrenched for you to handle alone, seeking counseling can be very beneficial. A therapist can help you get to the root of conflicts, learn to communicate needs, establish boundaries, and strategize solutions.

Choosing whether to limit or cut off contact

In especially toxic family situations where boundaries are repeatedly violated and attempts to repair the relationship have failed, limiting contact or cutting ties altogether might be necessary for your health. This is obviously an extremely tough choice that elicits complicated grief. Points to weigh include:

Potential risks of reduced/no contact

• Will losing your family support system impact you financially or in other practical areas like childcare?
• Do you have other personal relationships to rely on if family members are no longer present?
• Will relatives retaliate or harass you if you cut contact? Document incidents just in case.

Emotional aspects

• Are you fully prepared to mourn the family relationship? Seek counseling to work through this.
• Will going low/no contact significantly help relieve your anxiety enough to be worth it?
• Consider trying a defined “trial separation” first as a test.

Alternatives to fully cutting off family

• You may be able to stay connected with some family members while distancing yourself from those you have the most difficult dynamic with.
• Set clear rules/conditions around what needs to change for you to be able to resume contact , i.e. completing anger management classes.

Reducing or eliminating contact with family should not be done impulsively without careful self-reflection. But ultimately, it is up to you to decide what type of relationship you can healthily sustain.

Finding your chosen family

While blood relatives often form one’s primary family unit, close meaningful connections can also develop through:

• Friendships – Extremely close friendships with frequent support and reliance on each other essentially become family.
• Romantic relationships – For many, serious partners and spouses provide their closest familial bond.
• Parent/child relationships – Raising children together forms an unbreakable lifelong family tie.
• In-laws – The family members of a spouse or partner also take on a family role.
• Coworkers – When work teams spend very extensive time together, they can feel like family.
• Community groups – Participating consistently in a community like a church congregation lets meaningful kinship form.
• Online communities – In the digital age, online groups with shared interests or challenges can fulfill a powerful sense of belonging.

If your relatives of origin are an ongoing source of emotional distress, nurturing “chosen family” bonds can help offset this and provide support. Seek out accepting environments that allow you to feel seen and valued.

In many cases, getting to the root of family tensions requires time, self-reflection and effort from all involved. But the investment is well worth it to turn unhealthy family relationship patterns into ones that nurture rather than harm. First, identify your personal stress triggers and emotional needs. Then set clear boundaries while also showing a willingness to understand others and compromise when reasonable. Manage expectations through open communication. Try family counseling if conflicts persist. And if certain relationships remain too toxic, accept that gaining distance may be healthiest for you. Lean on the supportive connections in the rest of your chosen family and friend network. Regaining some peace of mind creates space to build the resilient, uplifting relationships you deserve.