It’s hard being a parent. You love your children with all your heart, but sometimes they don’t seem to reciprocate those feelings.
When your child says they hate you, it can feel like a knife to the heart. But before you give up hope, there are a few things you can do to try and turn the situation around. Be a better parent.
7 Reasons Your Daughter Hates You
If you’ve noticed your daughter pulling away from you, acting coldly, or saying she hates you, don’t panic. In most cases, this is a temporary phase driven by the tumultuous hormones and emotions of the teen years.
With patience, active listening, and a willingness to change, you can reconnect with your daughter and rebuild a loving relationship again.
Here are 7 common reasons daughters end up hating their mothers or fathers, plus tips on how to re-establish trust and affection:
1. You’re Overly Critical
Criticism from a parent, especially around appearance, abilities, or personality, can be devastating to a daughter’s self-esteem. If your daughter feels like you’re constantly judging her or pointing out her flaws, she may pull away from you and reject any advice or guidance you try to provide.
How to reconnect: Make a conscious effort to change your communication patterns with your daughter. When you need to address an issue, use “I” statements rather than blaming her. For example, “I worry when I don’t know where you are” rather than “you never tell me anything.” Focus on listening rather than lecturing. Demonstrate that you love her unconditionally, just as she is.
2. You Don’t Respect Her Privacy
During the teen years, children are figuring themselves out and need some privacy to do so. If your daughter feels like you’re snooping through her phone, diary, emails, or texts, it’s a huge violation of her trust and independence.
How to reconnect: Have an open conversation about privacy needs and agree on fair rules that work for both of you. Give your daughter more independence little by little as she proves herself trustworthy. Knock before entering her room and avoid questioning her friends and relationships excessively.
3. You’re Overprotective
It’s natural to want to protect your child, but daughters who feel suffocated by overly strict rules often rebel. If you ban normal teen activities, closely monitor friendships, or freak out about minor safety issues, she will feel frustrated and controlled.
How to reconnect: Show you care by having open discussions about risky behaviors and how to avoid them, not by simply saying “no” to everything. Set fair rules and then demonstrate trust in your daughter’s ability to follow them. Let her make some mistakes and support her through the consequences.
4. You Compete With Her
Mothers and daughters often experience rivalry around things like appearance, accomplishments, and relationships with dad. If your daughter feels like it’s a competition for attention or affection, she’s unlikely to share details to avoid fueling the jealousy.
How to reconnect: Check any competitiveness or jealousy you may feel and show your daughter you’re proud of her for who she is. Compliment her sincerely and refrain from judgmental comparisons. Be her cheerleader, not her competitor.
5. You Compare Her Unfavorably To Others
Teens are extremely sensitive, so comparing your daughter to others – whether it’s friends, siblings, or even you at her age – will make her feel inadequate. She needs your unconditional love, not criticism that she doesn’t measure up.
How to reconnect: Focus on her strengths and show that you appreciate the unique person she is. Avoid comparisons completely – praise her on her own merits. If corrections are needed, make suggestions rather than negative comparisons.
6. You Don’t Listen
When daughters feel ignored, dismissed, or belittled during conversations with you, they learn to stop sharing their thoughts and feelings. Without understanding where your daughter is coming from, mutual trust and respect fade.
How to reconnect: Make talking with your daughter a priority every day. Put down your phone, maintain eye contact, and focus completely on what she’s saying without judgement. Ask follow up questions about her feelings. Validate her perspective even if you disagree.
7. You Break Promises
Daughters need to know they can rely on their parents’ word. When you make commitments to her – whether it’s being there for an activity or allowing a certain privilege – following through is crucial. Broken promises damage trust.
How to reconnect: Avoid making promises you can’t keep just to placate your daughter in the moment. When you say you’ll do something, honor that commitment. For past broken promises, acknowledge you let her down and that you’ll do better going forward.
Rebuilding a strained relationship with a daughter requires patience, reflection, and most of all – love. With time and effort, you can regain the close bond you once had. Be the stable, non-judgemental force in her life. With unconditional love and trust, she’ll confide in you again.
Staying Connected Through the Teen Years
The tween and teen years can be challenging for parents and children alike. As your daughter asserts her independence and experiences new emotions, there are some key strategies to maintain a close connection even through stormy phases:
- Have brief check-ins every day to show you care, even when she resists long conversations.
- Pick relaxing environments like driving together to open up dialogues.
- Ask open-ended questions and just listen without judgment.
- Text if she prefers – it maintains connection even if she avoids face-to-face chats.
Find Shared Activities
- Do fun mother-daughter activities to provide distraction-free bonding time.
- Try something new together – a class, sport, crafting project or volunteering activity you both enjoy.
- Make traditions like movie night or cooking dinner together.
- Share your own teen experiences so she sees you can relate.
Respect Her Individuality
- Acknowledge her growing independence – give her space to be herself.
- Avoid criticizing her changing style, interests, and friends.
- Let her make some mistakes and help her through consequences rather than sheltering.
- Compliment her strengths and talents often.
Give Appropriate Freedom
- Set fair rules together and adjust them as she matures.
- Only intervene if she’s at risk – otherwise, let her learn from experience.
- Respect her increasing need for privacy.
- Show you trust her judgement while still being watchful.
Provide Support Unconditionally
- Focus on listening rather than lecturing when she struggles.
- Bolster her confidence and self-esteem when she’s unsure.
- Help her manage academic or social stress.
- Assure your love and support are constant, even when you disagree.
Despite the ups and downs, remembering your daughter is still your little girl at heart will help overcome rifts. With unconditional love and communication, you’ll navigate the teen years successfully together.
Rebuilding Trust After a Major Betrayal
In some cases, an acute event – like discovering a serious lie or breach of trust – can cause a daughter to write off the relationship entirely. Major betrayals often lead to hatred and withdrawal when the teenage impulse for autonomy combines with feelings of humiliation from the parent.
Here are some tips for beginning to rebuild trust after losing your daughter’s faith:
- Give her space and time to cool down after the incident. Don’t force an immediate conversation.
- When you do talk, start with an earnest apology. Don’t make excuses or cast blame. Own your mistake fully.
- Ask what you can do to begin making amends. Follow through on those actions.
- Commit to regaining her trust slowly by proving yourself trustworthy going forward.
- Have ongoing open discussions to understand each other’s feelings and perspectives.
- Show your love is unwavering, even if your actions weren’t.
- Accept that complete forgiveness may take time – don’t pressure it.
Major betrayals often require professional counseling to heal properly. But with love and willingness to change, even the deepest wounds between parents and children can mend.
When Hateful Feelings Persist
In some families, the resentment and disconnect between parents and children are long-standing rather than situational. If your daughter has expressed hatred over many years despite your efforts, counseling may be needed.
Here are signs it’s time to seek professional help:
- Her anger, criticism and withdrawal are constant rather than occasional.
- She sabotages your attempts to connect and refuses any contact.
- Her hatred extends to other family members as well.
- She’s become involved in illegal or dangerous activities.
- Her academics, relationships or mental health are deteriorating.
- Communication has completely broken down.
Look for a family therapist or counselor experienced in resolving adolescent-parent conflicts. Be honest about your family dynamics and be willing to hear hard truths. With determination from both sides and targeted intervention, even toxic relationships can transform into loving ones again.
Don’t give up hope – even daughters who say “I hate you” harbor some love beneath the anger. With concerted effort over time, you can become closer than ever by learning from mistakes on both sides.
14 Ways To Make Your Daughter Love You
1. Spend Quality Time Together
Parents play an important role in the lives of their daughters. They can help to shape their daughter’s view of herself and the world around her. Spending quality time together is one of the finest ways to do this.
You can bond with your daughters in many ways. One way is to simply spend time talking with them.
This can be done at mealtimes, during car rides, or while doing chores around the house together. It’s important for You to listen as well as talk, though.
Your Daughter need to feel like she can share anything with You without judgment.
Another great way to spend quality time with daughters is by doing activities together that they both enjoy.
This could be going for walks, biking, swimming, or playing sports together.
It’s important to get outside and do activities that are fun for both you and your daughter.
You should try to spend lots of time with your daughter, especially during her toddler years.
One of the most rewarding things a dad can do is play games with his little girl. This helps them bond and gives them lots of special time together.
You can also spend quality time with your daughter by taking an interest in what she likes.
For example, if your daughter likes horses, take her to the feed store or a horse show.
If she likes to play dress up, play that with her.
If your daughter likes to paint pictures, stay in the art room and paint along with her.
It’s important for you to spend time with your daughter.
Parents can also teach their daughters about safety.
2. Listen to her
A daughter will feel free to speak up if she knows you’re willing to listen. Show her that you’re interested in what she has to say by listening attentively, even when what she’s saying may be shocking or difficult for you to hear.
As the daughter grows older and becomes her own person, you must learn to let go while still remaining an important part of her life.
One of the best ways to do this is simply to listen to her.
Whether she is telling you about her day at school or venting about a fight with a friend, just lend a listening ear.
It can be easy for you to want to offer advice or jump in and fix the problem, but sometimes all a daughter needs is someone to listen. This allows her to feel heard and understood, two incredibly important things in any relationship.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should never offer advice or your opinion.
If you feel like your daughter is seriously considering her options, then offer your opinion.
There’s a difference between just listening and not offering any advice or help.
3. Show Her You Cares About Her Feelings
Most daughters love to know that their parents care about them. When you’re together, let her know how much you care about her feelings. Let her know that you are proud of her accomplishments and that you think she’s special.
4. Respect Her
You can show your daughter that you respect her by being open-minded to her ideas and opinions, even if they differ from yours.
5. Give Her Lots Of Encouragement
Encourage your daughter to pursue whatever she is interested in, even if it’s not something you’d choose for her.
Let her know that you will support her in whatever she does.
6. Be A Good Listener
Daughters love to talk about themselves and their problems, but they also need someone who is willing to listen. Make time for your daughter to share her thoughts with you.
7. Let Her Know She’s Loved
Make sure your daughter knows that you love and accept her just the way she is.
8. Teach Her To Take Care Of Herself
Teach your daughter how to do things for herself, such as proper hygiene, grooming, dressing and exercising.
9. Set A Good Example
Show your daughter how to be a strong, independent woman by demonstrating for her how you take care of yourself.
10. Let Her Know It’s OK To Be A Girl
Teach your daughter that being a girl is something special and not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.
11. Encourage Her To Get Involved In Activities That Interest Her
Encourage your daughter to get involved in activities she enjoys.
12. Teach Her To Respect Others
Teach your daughter that everyone deserves respect, regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation.
13. Model Good Manners
Let your daughter know it’s important to be polite and say please, thank you, and yes ma’am and no sir.
14. Teach Her How To Manage Money
Help your daughter learn the value of a dollar by giving her an allowance and teaching her how to manage it.