What To Do When Your Boyfriend Lies To Your Face
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When your boyfriend lies to you, it can seriously damage the trust between you. While some lies are small and harmless, others can completely destroy a relationship. So what should you do when you catch your boyfriend in a lie? Here are 21 tips for dealing with a lying boyfriend.
21 Things To Do When Your Boyfriend Lies To Your Face
1. Confront him calmly
When you catch your boyfriend lying, it’s understandable to feel angry and want to yell at him. However, staying calm and having a rational discussion is more effective. Tell him directly that you know he lied, and give him a chance to explain himself. Yelling or name-calling will only put him on the defensive.
2. Hear his side
There may be reasons your boyfriend lied that you’re not aware of. For example, he may have lied to protect your feelings or avoid disappointing you. Of course, that doesn’t excuse lying, but understanding his motivations can help you work through the issue. Let him explain himself fully before passing judgment.
3. Consider the significance
Some lies are more serious than others. For example, a lie about where he was last night is very different from a lie about being unfaithful. Think about whether this lie threatens the fundamental trust between you. A minor lie may be forgivable, while a major deception may spell the end of the relationship.
4. Look for patterns
A one-time lie told for a specific reason is different than a pattern of habitual lying. Determine whether your boyfriend has lied to you repeatedly about similar things. Chronic lying is a deeper issue that requires professional help to overcome.
5. Search for evidence
Look for evidence to determine if his story adds up. For example, if he says he was working late but you know his office closes at 5 PM, it’s clear something doesn’t line up. Hard evidence makes it more difficult for him to maintain a lie.
6. Avoid accusations
Rather than hurling angry accusations, calmly explain what makes you think he’s lying. Say something like, “I drove by your office at 7 PM and didn’t see your car. Can you help me understand where you really were?” This gives him a chance to come clean or explain himself without feeling attacked.
7. Don’t be naive
You may want to believe your boyfriend and take his words at face value. But after discovering a lie, it’s smart to be a little skeptical of anything that doesn’t fit. Your eyes are now open to the reality that he is capable of lying. Don’t ignore your gut feeling that something is off.
8. Get an apology
For the relationship to move forward in a healthy way, you need to hear an authentic apology. He should both verbalize an apology and demonstrate changed behavior over time. An insincere “I’m sorry” loses meaning without efforts to rebuild trust.
9. Address the root issue
There are often deeper reasons people lie like insecurity, shame, childhood trauma, etc. Try to help your boyfriend get to the root of why he felt compelled to lie. Counseling can help overcome habitual lying or other mental health issues.
10. Rebuild trust slowly
Trust is difficult to rebuild once damaged. It requires time and consistent truthfulness from your boyfriend. Don’t assume everything is fine after one heartfelt conversation. Watch his actions over the next several weeks and months to confirm he is really committed to being honest.
11. Check on his story
When your boyfriend shares stories and information, discreetly verify that what he is saying is true. For example, if he tells you he’s going to the gym after work, drive by the gym to see if his car is there. Or ask his friend if your boyfriend was really at the bar last Friday.
12. Notice lies of omission
Lying isn’t just about directly telling falsehoods. Many liars omit certain truths so they don’t have to fully lie. For example, your boyfriend says he was “hanging with friends” without mentioning other girls were there. Watch for vague stories that leave out incriminating details.
13. Study his body language
Liars often exhibit certain body language cues like fidgeting, eye contact avoidance, appearing tense, etc. See if your boyfriend displays these signs when explaining questionable situations or discussing certain topics. His body language may reveal lies his mouth denies.
14. Limit accusations of white lies
Everyone fudges the truth occasionally to spare feelings or avoid embarrassment. For example, your boyfriend may lie that dinner you cooked tasted great so as not to hurt you. Don’t react as strongly to harmless “white lies” as you would to deceit about serious matters.
15. Give one more chance…at your discretion
If your boyfriend comes clean, shows genuine remorse, and you want to make it work, you can choose to give him one more chance. But make it clear that any future lies will end the relationship for good. Only give this second chance if you really believe he’s committed to honesty.
16. Make promises you can keep
If you decide to give him another chance, be realistic about your ability to move forward. Don’t say you forgive him completely unless you really can. Any promises you make about trusting him again should be promises you can keep. Don’t set yourself up for further pain.
17. Consider counseling
Getting professional help can be very beneficial for both you and your lying boyfriend. Couples counseling provides tools for rebuilding trust, uncovering hidden issues, and improving communication. Even if you split, individual counseling will help with underlying problems.
18. Increase accountability
Make your boyfriend accountable in practical ways. For example, he should give you access to his phone and email so you can check if his story aligns with records. Let him know you will be verifying his accounts of where he’s been, who he talks to, etc.
19. Distance yourself
You may need emotional and physical distance from your boyfriend, at least for a little while. Being away from him can help give you clarity on whether this relationship is right for you. Staying with family or a friend may be a wise idea during this time.
20. Tell someone you trust
Confide in a trusted friend or family member. They know you well and can give an objective outside perspective on whether your boyfriend is genuinely trustworthy going forward. A good support system is vital when dealing with betrayal.
21. Know when to walk away
As painful as it is, recognize if this relationship has reached the point of no return. Chronic dishonesty, major deception or continued lying despite second chances is a sign it’s time to walk away. You deserve someone you can completely trust.
Discovering your boyfriend has lied is painful and damaging to your bond. But there are constructive ways to address the issue that may lead to understanding and positive change.
Approaching lies with care, communication, and accountability can potentially help you rebuild a healthier relationship over time. However, lies that are egregious or patterns of ongoing dishonesty are red flags that he may not be the right partner for you.
Trust your gut in determining if you should try restoring the relationship or if it’s time to move on. With wisdom, patience, and self-respect, you can successfully navigate this difficult scenario.