Why Does My Daughter Only Want Her Mom?
It’s common for young children to have a stronger attachment to one parent over the other. As children grow and develop, their preferences and attachments often shift. There are several reasons why a daughter may temporarily prefer her mother:
Evolutionary Psychology
From an evolutionary perspective, children are inclined to seek safety and nurturance from their primary caregiver, who is most often the mother. The mother-child bond begins developing during pregnancy and intensifies after birth. Mothers tend to spend more one-on-one time caring for infants and young children. This consistent care helps form a secure attachment between mother and child.
Stage of Development
Young children often prefer their mothers because women tend to be soft-spoken and gentle in their caregiving approach. Fathers may be more rambunctious in their play. This can feel overwhelming or scary to a small child who finds comfort in the calm, soothing nature of mothers. As your daughter grows more confident, she’ll likely become more open to rough-and-tumble play with dad.
Breastfeeding Relationship
If your daughter was breastfed, this can also strengthen the bond with her mother. The physical and emotional closeness fostered through nursing can lead to a preference for mom. This preference tends to wane as other forms of nurturance and care from dad help form a secure attachment.
Daily Routine
If mom is the primary caregiver responsible for meals, dressing, school drop-off, etc., your daughter associates these acts of care with her mother. She may resist dad’s efforts because she’s used to mom handling certain routines. With time and consistency, dad can take over more responsibilities and forge new caregiving bonds.
Tips for Dads Dealing with a Daughter’s Preference for Mom
It’s understandably upsetting when your little girl seems uneasy around you or constantly asks for mom. Here are some ways dads can navigate this challenging period:
Give Her Space and Time
Avoid taking it personally if your daughter shies away from physical affection or clings to mom. Don’t force interactions. Let her warm up on her own schedule. Offer a hug but don’t insist if she refuses. With patience, she’ll become more comfortable.
Find Ways to Connect
Engage in gentle play and activities your daughter enjoys, like reading, singing, arts and crafts. Find opportunities for laughter and silliness. Go for a walk and point out things in nature. The key is quality time focused on her.
Take Over Caregiving Tasks
Volunteer for diaper changes, feedings, bedtime routines. This increased direct care helps strengthen your bond and builds trust. Aim for consistency so she associates you with meeting her needs.
Give Mom a Break
Encourage mom to get out for a walk or coffee break. Stepping away allows you and your daughter one-on-one time. Start small if needed, even 15 minutes helps you get used to each other.
Seek Reassurance
Connect with other dads who have been through this phase. They can offer tips and reassure you this preference will pass. Some daughters remain true daddy’s girls.
When to Seek Help
In most cases, a daughter’s temporary preference for one parent is normal and resolves itself over time. However, if you notice any of the following, seek advice from your pediatrician:
- Your daughter becomes extremely distressed when you interact with her
- She refuses to separate from her mother at all
- Her behavior regresses, such as frequent tantrums or bedwetting
- She exhibits fear or distrust of you that persists over several weeks or months
While painful, try to remain patient and don’t take it personally if your daughter currently favors mom. Keep providing gentle, loving care and the bond between father and daughter will continue blossoming.