It’s natural for adult children and their mothers to wonder how often they should be in contact. The ideal frequency of contact depends on the mother-daughter relationship and individual preferences. Here are some factors to consider when deciding how often a daughter should call her mom:
The first step is for both mother and daughter to communicate their expectations openly. A daughter shouldn’t assume her mother wants daily calls, just as a mom shouldn’t expect constant contact without discussing it.
Have an honest conversation about ideal contact frequency. Compromise if expectations differ significantly. Make sure both parties feel heard.
Consider Life Stages
A daughter in college or building a career may have less time for long phone calls than a daughter whose kids have left home. Likewise, an elderly mom may crave more connection than a mother still working full-time.
Take life stages into account, and adjust contact frequency to meet both parties’ needs. As circumstances change, re-evaluate if needed.
Some mothers and daughters like to talk every day. For others, weekly or monthly contact feels right. There are also parent-child relationships that benefit from limited interactions.
If a daughter feels smothered by daily hour-long conversations, she needs to set some boundaries. And if a mom never picks up the phone, the daughter may need to request more one-on-one time.
Share Quality Time
Frequency matters less than quality. A daughter who lives far away but calls specifically to hear updates about her mom’s new hobby is showing care. Similarly, a mother who texts brief warm messages through the week is connecting meaningfully.
Focus on sharing real moments and feelings, not just habitually dialing to say hello. Value genuine interaction over quantity.
Use Communication Channels Effectively
Phone calls work for some mother-daughter pairs, while others prefer texting or video chat. Monthly care packages and letters are options too.
Evaluate which modes of contact make both parties feel most loved and supported. Use the channels that nurture your unique relationship.
Visit When Possible
Nothing compares to face-to-face time. Make an effort to visit in person regularly if you live near your mother. If you’re long-distance, schedule intentional, quality time during trips home.
Visits are opportunities for deeper connection through activities done side-by-side. Prioritize seeing each other to supplement other contact.
Expressing gratitude can strengthen mother-daughter bonds. Tell your mom you appreciate her support – over the phone, in a letter, or in person. Thank her for the specific ways she shows up for you.
Letting your mom know her efforts matter is meaningful, no matter how often you connect otherwise.
Adjust for Changes
As life situations evolve, reassess if your contact meets both parties’ needs. Major events like marriages, moves, births, deaths, or health changes may require shifting your communication patterns.
Stay attuned to what feels supportive as circumstances transform. Don’t let outdated habits dictate contact.
Seek Input from Loved Ones
Get advice from others who know you and your mom well. Ask your spouse, siblings, or close friends if they think you’re connecting appropriately.
Welcome outside perspectives on how to nurture the relationship. Input from loved ones can prevent tensions over contact frequency.
Every mother-daughter relationship is unique. Don’t measure yours against friendships you observe or familial ideals.
Focus on what feels right for you and your mom specifically. Let go of shoulds and comparisons, and do what works for your bond.
Value Quality over Quantity
No ideal frequency applies to all mother-daughter relationships. Monthly long talks may beat tense weekly calls. Emotional availability trumps daily check-ins.
Prioritize meaningful connection when you communicate, not the number of interactions. Nurture mutual understanding and care consistently over time.
The ideal amount for a daughter to call her mom depends entirely on their relationship. Set expectations openly, adjust to life stages, respect boundaries, and focus on quality time. Most importantly, choose contact frequency that makes both parties feel loved.